Doulas Support Partners Too!

I often hear from pregnant people that they have considered hiring a doula, but are unsure about whether they need one because they have such a fantastic partner. I think the idea that doulas serve as a replacement or stand in for a supportive partner is a common misconception. In reality, doulas are not meant to replace the contributions of your loved ones during labor and birth; instead, I’m there to support both of you as you navigate the transition to parenthood! Beyond what I give to birthing folks, here are some of the ways I support partners.

I look out for your physical needs.

The labor process can be long, and it’s easy to push aside your own physical needs while you’re focused on the needs of the birthing person (rightly so! Good for you for putting them first! But still.). Doulas understand the flow of labor, and I will clue you in to the right times to take a nap, eat and caffeinate, or just go get some fresh air. I make sure partners fill their own tanks so they can be the best versions of themselves when the birthing person really needs them.

I give suggestions on how to help.

There’s nothing quite like having your hand slapped away by the person you love because you’re rubbing their arm wrong during labor! I’ll show you exactly where to put your hands and how much pressure to apply during a double hip squeeze (hint: more than you think!). I’ll quietly suggest that you go get an ice pack for their sweaty forehead so that you get all the credit for that sweet relief during a hard moment. I’ll model words of affirmation and encouragement so you remember to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader (because it’s your words they’ll remember, not mine).

I prep you for what’s to come.

Are you uncomfortable or squeamish in clinical settings? I’ll let you know what it feels like to cut an umbilical cord and help you to position yourself in the room so you’re present for your partner but not front row to the more difficult visuals of birth. If your partner decides on an epidural or other intervention, I’ll tell you what to expect and how to be supportive.

I empower you to advocate for your family.

It’s amazing how quickly your carefully considered birth preferences can go out the window when the care team starts suggesting interventions and standard procedures. I’ll keep your birth plan in mind so you don’t have to, and I’ll identify any deviations from your preferences so you can ask good questions of your clinical team and make informed decisions.

I offer emotional support.

Labor is intense, and it can be hard to watch your partner cope with a physical ordeal that you can’t control. I will be in your corner reassuring you that things are progressing normally, that labor often looks hard but that your partner is strong and doing an amazing job. I’ll be your rock so you can be theirs!