Preparing Older Siblings for a New Baby
Nervous about how big siblings will handle the addition of a new baby? No worries! I’ve got you covered. I have years of experience helping families make the transition, not to mention plenty of experience bringing home my own newborns to siblings with a variety of ages and temperaments. You know your kid best, but for most toddlers and preschoolers:
Involve them as much as possible! Let them listen to baby’s heartbeat or feel their movements. Let them pick out a toy or blanket to share with the baby, and talk about all of the things that we can (and can't!) do with new babies.
Practice taking care of a stuffie or doll. Praise gentle care of their baby; even practice washing hands before holding their baby, and kissing baby on the hands, feet, or belly instead of the face! Set up your car seat, swing, and other big baby gear early, and let your little one try things out with "their" baby. This is a great time to introduce a doll stroller or car seat and other pretend play items too, as toddlers and preschoolers are practicing parallel play. As you provide care to the human baby, they can do the same things for "their" baby.
If you are the preferred parent, start having your partner take over the bedtime routine or other tricky parts of the day so everyone has some practice mixing it up. This is a great time for the non birthing parent to start forming some special routines with your big kid. Feel free to bend the rules to make it exciting--when papa puts big sister to bed, we read DOUBLE books, sing silly songs about our stuffies, maybe even eat POPSICLES in the BATH (my own husband's bedtime routine hack for reluctant toddlers!). Whatever it takes to get your big kid excited about the change!
Avoid any big transitions (like potty training, childcare changes, or transitioning out of a crib) for several months surrounding the birth of the baby if at all possible. This one can be tricky, especially when you have baby gear that you'd like to pass on to the new baby! Young children can be very attached to THEIR things, and it can be upsetting to see THEIR bed (or old clothes and toys) given to a new baby. If needed, consider purchasing a second inexpensive crib for the baby, or have them sleep in a basinet or pack n play for the first few months until everyone is settled. We expect regressions in behavior in young children going through big life changes, so it is totally normal for a potty trained child to begin having lots of accidents, or a good sleeper to be on the move at night, or to exhibit any number of "babyish" behaviors (like extra crying and tantrums, wanting extra cuddles or help with tasks they can usually do on their own, or wanting to be treated like a baby and use the baby's gear). This is all so normal, and will pass. Be patient (easier said than done) and give them as much attention and babying as they need. Talk about what they were like as a baby, and how you loved to hold and care for them; but also find opportunities to praise their big kid behavior and independence. It will pass.
Answer questions—honestly and simply. I can recommend some great books about how babies get in and out! There are many at your local library, but these are a few that I highly recommend.
How babies are made: A no-nonsense, inclusive guide for all families and their curious kids: A great intro that is as inclusive as it sounds, this book talks about all the different ways you can grow a family. While it is aimed at elementary schoolers, the text is short and simple, and could be used with younger children with a bit more explanation and broken into shorter sections.
What Makes a Baby: Best for toddlers and preschoolers, this book is colorful, fun, and inclusive. It provides details on how babies come to be and how they are born in a way that is factual but not overwhelming or complicated.
The Baby Tree: My own kids' favorite! This book is still in regular rotation at bedtime in our house after more than 6 years. Great for preschoolers, this tells the story of a child who asks all the adults in his life where his new baby is going to come from, and gets a variety of hilarious (and only partially correct) responses. After his imagination runs wild, his parents give him the truth. This book gets points for providing info on the birds and the bees in a way that small kids can understand, and the pictures are so fun.
Expect big feelings and regression. This is so normal!! We expect regressions in behavior in young children going through big life changes, so it is totally normal for a potty trained child to begin having lots of accidents, or a good sleeper to be on the move at night, or to exhibit any number of "babyish" behaviors (like extra crying and tantrums, wanting extra cuddles or help with tasks they can usually do on their own, or wanting to be treated like a baby and use the baby's gear). Be patient (easier said than done) and give them as much attention as they need. Talk about what they were like as a baby, and how you loved to hold and care for them; but also find opportunities to praise their big kid behavior and independence. It will pass. Extra snuggles and “babying” your toddler reminds them that they are still just as special to you as the new baby.
Have more questions, or a special situation to trouble shoot? I love a challenge! Reach out for a complimentary consult call to set up a private session to prepare!